Gottman Method Relationship Exercises You Can Do at Home
By Kenny Levine, LCSW, Couples Therapist
As a couples therapist with over 20 years of experience in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, I've guided hundreds of couples through research-backed relationship exercises. Dr. John Gottman's four decades of research, studying over 3,000 couples, has shown that specific practices can predict and improve relationship success with 90% accuracy. Today, I’m sharing some of the most effective communication exercises for couples that you can try at home.
These DIY couples therapy activities are designed to help you strengthen your bond, improve communication, and deepen your emotional connection—all from the comfort of your own home. While these relationship therapy activities can be powerful, remember they aren’t a replacement for professional couples therapy. If your relationship feels stuck or you're dealing with significant challenges, I encourage you to reach out for professional support.
Some people worry that couples therapy means diving into painful issues and leaving sessions feeling uneasy. Let me put that fear to rest. Most couples counseling feels positive, leaving you better understood by your partner. While we sometimes lean into challenging emotions, we also make room for humor, warmth, and connection.
One couple I worked with, Lisa and James (names changed for privacy), came into therapy convinced they’d have to rehash years of arguments. Instead, they found themselves laughing as they rediscovered the things that brought them together in the first place. Through fun relationship exercises for couples like the ones I’ll share below, they were able to rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen their bond.
Now, let’s explore these practical exercises you can start using today!
Understanding Couples Connection Exercises
Think of these couples therapy exercises as relationship workouts. Just like going to the gym strengthens your body, these activities strengthen the emotional and communication muscles in your relationship.
The Science Behind These Exercises
Research shows that couples who regularly practice Gottman-based exercises report higher relationship satisfaction. These activities strengthen what Dr. Gottman calls "The Sound Relationship House," which consists of nine essential components of healthy relationships.
Here’s how I like to explain it to my clients: Imagine your relationship as a bank account. Each positive interaction—a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or a shared laugh—is like a deposit. Negative interactions are withdrawals. The goal is to keep your relationship account in the black by consistently making small, meaningful deposits.Why DIY Marriage Counseling Can Help
Let's be honest - getting couples therapy can be expensive! But that doesn't mean you can't work on your relationship.
The Gottman Method provides lots of couples therapy exercises that you can try at home. Think of these as relationship workouts. Just like going to the gym makes you stronger, these activities build relationship muscles. Try these couples therapy exercises for communication at home to see improvement in your relationship.
How to Use These Exercises
Start with 15–20 minutes per exercise
Practice consistently (2–3 times per week)
Begin with easier exercises before progressing to more advanced ones
Both partners should be willing participants
Track your progress to stay motivated
Couples Therapy Games
Strengthening Connection Through Building Love Maps
Time Required: 15 minutes
Difficulty Level: Easy
Materials Needed: The free Gottman Card Decks app (available from the App or Google Play store)
A key factor in long-term relationship stability is whether couples make space in their minds for their partner’s world. Resilient couples often have a detailed “map” of their relationship, one that includes each person’s needs, preferences, experiences, and perspective.
To help deepen your connection, try this engaging activity designed to foster meaningful conversations and strengthen your bond. Many couples are pleasantly surprised by the insights and closeness this exercise creates!
To get started on gaining a deeper understanding of each other’s inner world, download the Gottman Card Decks app, select the Love Maps deck, and follow these instructions:
There are two ways to complete this exercise:
Take Turns: Pick a question from the list provided. Try to answer the question as it applies to your partner. Then switch roles: your partner selects a question and answers it based on your life. Alternate for about 30 minutes.
Spotlight Method: Select a question and answer it about your partner. Continue choosing and answering questions about them for 15 minutes. Afterward, switch roles, and your partner will answer questions about you for 15 minutes.
Enjoy the process and see where the conversation takes you!
Make this a date night activity—get cozy with your favorite snacks, and enjoy discovering surprising things about each other. Even long-term couples often learn something new!
If you enjoy this activity, try one of the other Gottman Card Deck games: Open-ended Questions, Rituals of Connection, Sex Questions, Date Questions, Give Appreciation, and I Feel…
One of my clients shared how marriage communication exercises like this transformed their conversations. “We thought we knew everything about each other,” they told me. “But when we asked those questions, I discovered things about his childhood that made me see him in a whole new light.”
Research Insight: Couples with detailed Love Maps are more resilient during stress.
Communication Building Activities
The Stress-Reducing Conversation
Time Required: 20 minutes
Best Time: After work or before bed
Set aside 20 minutes to discuss daily stresses (not about the relationship). One partner shares while the other listens, offering empathy and understanding without trying to “fix” anything. Then switch roles.
Why It Works: This fosters emotional connection and helps each partner feel supported.
Gentle Start-Up Practice
When bringing up concerns, how you start the conversation matters. Dr. Gottman recommends using this formula:
“I feel [emotion] about [situation], and I need [specific request].”
For example:
Instead of “You never help around the house,” say, “I feel overwhelmed with chores and need us to create a system for sharing tasks.”
This approach encourages collaboration and reduces defensiveness.
Building Fondness and Appreciation
The Appreciation Exchange
Time Required: 5 minutes
Difficulty Level: Easy
Each day, share three specific things you appreciate about your partner. For example:
“I appreciate how you made coffee this morning because it started my day on a positive note.”
Making this a daily ritual helps build a culture of positivity and trust.
Pro Tip: Dr. Gottman’s research highlights the importance of maintaining a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
Emotional Connection Activities
Emotion Word Game
Time Required: 5–10 minutes
Difficulty Level: Moderate
Expand your emotional vocabulary together by using three specific emotion words daily. For example: “I felt calm, proud, and supported today.” If you struggle to find effective words to describe your emotions, consider exploring this beautiful website in order to build your vocabulary and understanding of emotion words.
Over time, this practice deepens your ability to understand and express emotions as a couple.
Creating Shared Meaning
Take time to discuss big-picture topics like life dreams, shared goals, and values. Dr. Gottman calls this "creating shared meaning," and it’s a hallmark of deeply connected couples.
When to Seek Professional Help
While these exercises can strengthen healthy relationships, there are times when professional help is necessary:
Persistent communication breakdowns
Trust violations
Emotional disconnection
Recurring conflicts
Major life transitions
I offer complimentary 15-minute consultations to help you determine whether couples therapy could benefit your relationship
FAQs
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Start with 2–3 times per week for 15–20 minutes per session. Consistency is key!
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Start with fun, easy exercises like the Love Maps game. If your partner’s resistance continues, consider whether or not discussing your concerns with a professional might be indicated.
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While these activities can strengthen relationships, they are not a substitute for professional help when serious issues arise.
