The Beginner's Guide to Couples Counseling
Couples Therapy Session
By Kenny Levine, LCSW, Licensed Couples Therapist
Are you apprehensive about embarking on couples work, not knowing what to expect from couples counseling? If so, you're not alone. Many couples feel uncertain about taking this important step in strengthening their relationship. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 20 years of clinical experience and specialized training in the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples who began their counseling journey unsure of what to expect, or whether or not it could really help. Today, I’d like to demystify the process by walking you through exactly what happens in couples therapy when you work with therapist who uses the Gottman Method, so you can feel more confident and prepared for your first marriage counseling session. Please note that throughout this guide, I use terms like “couples therapy” and “marriage counseling,” and “relationship therapy” interchangeably, as they all refer to the professional practice of helping partners improve their relationship.
Understanding Couples Therapy: The Basics
Let's start with what happens in relationship counselling. At its core, couples therapy is a specialized form of therapy designed to help couples improve their relationship. While every couples counselor has their own approach, I use a gold-standard approach called the Gottman Method, which is based on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples.
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What to Expect: Your Journey Through Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Step 1: The Initial Couples Session
Your couples therapy intake session sets the foundation for our work together. During this initial marriage therapy session, you and your partner will attend together, giving us the opportunity to discuss what brings you to therapy at this time. I'll gather information about your relationship history, including both the challenges you're facing and the strengths that have sustained your partnership. We'll explore your goals for therapy – what changes you hope to see and what a successful outcome would look like for both of you. This session also gives you a chance to experience my therapeutic style and determine if we're a good fit for working together. This meeting helps me understand your relationship dynamics and immediate concerns, setting the stage for our future work together.
Step 2: Individual Assessment Sessions
After our first meeting together, I'll schedule one individual session with each of you. These private conversations provide a space where you can share your personal perspective on the relationship without concern about how your partner might react. During your individual session, you'll have the opportunity to discuss any concerns you might not feel comfortable raising in joint sessions, and provide important background about your family history that helps me understand how your past experiences influence your current relationship patterns. This private setting also allows you to talk freely about sensitive topics, ensuring I have a complete picture of your relationship from both perspectives before we move forward with couples work.
Step 3: The Gottman Relationship Checkup
A unique aspect of what happens in couples counseling with the Gottman Method is the Relationship Checkup. This comprehensive online assessment takes about an hour to complete and thoroughly examines multiple aspects of your relationship, from communication patterns to shared dreams. Based on decades of research, this scientific tool provides detailed insights into your relationship's strengths and challenges, giving us concrete data to work with as we plan your therapy journey. The results help guide our therapeutic focus, ensuring we concentrate on the areas that will make the most significant impact on your relationship's health. This evidence-based approach sets the Gottman Method apart, allowing us to create a tailored treatment plan based on your specific relationship dynamics.
Step 4: The Feedback Session
This crucial session brings together everything we've learned during our assessment process. I'll share my comprehensive evaluation of your relationship's strengths, highlighting the positive patterns that have sustained your connection over time. Together, we'll discuss areas that need attention, examining specific challenges in your relationship and how they impact both of you. You'll learn about specific Gottman Method interventions designed to address these challenges, with proven strategies to help strengthen your bond. We'll collaborate to create a treatment plan that prioritizes your most pressing concerns while building on your existing strengths. By the end of this session, you'll have a clear understanding of what to expect from marriage counseling moving forward and how we'll work together to achieve your relationship goals.
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The Therapy Process: What Happens Next
After the assessment phase, here's what to expect from couples counseling:
Clear Structure and Goals
The Gottman Method provides structured interventions for common relationship challenges, with each couples therapy session thoughtfully building upon the previous one. Through this systematic approach, you'll develop better communication skills that help you truly hear and understand each other. You'll learn proven strategies to manage conflicts more effectively, moving from gridlock to productive dialogue. Together, we'll work on deepening your emotional connection, strengthening the friendship that forms the foundation of your relationship. The process also helps you build shared meaning in your relationship, creating a deeper sense of purpose and connection in your life together. This structured approach ensures that every session moves you closer to your relationship goals.
Practical Skills and Tools
From the first session of couples therapy and beyond, you'll learn concrete skills that you can immediately apply to improve your relationship. We'll work together to help you handle disagreements more effectively, moving from conflict to resolution with new understanding and respect. You'll develop the ability to express your needs clearly and directly, while also learning to listen actively to your partner's perspective. Through proven Gottman Method techniques, you'll discover ways to strengthen your friendship and maintain your emotional connection even during challenging times. These practical tools will help you navigate difficult conversations with greater confidence and success, transforming potential arguments into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection.
Ground Rules for Couples Therapy
To create a safe and productive environment, we'll establish some basic ground rules for couples therapy at the outset of our work together. These guidelines ensure that both partners feel secure and respected during our sessions. You'll both commit to respecting each other's perspectives and avoiding interruptions when your partner is speaking. What we discuss in therapy stays private – maintaining confidentiality outside sessions helps build trust and openness. To make the most progress, you'll need to complete assigned homework between sessions and attend appointments consistently. Finally, being honest and open to feedback is essential for growth and positive change. These ground rules create the foundation for successful therapy outcomes.
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Why This Approach Works
What makes the Gottman Method unique is its research-based foundation. This gold-standard approach stands alone in providing clear, practical tools that you can use both in and outside of sessions. Rather than just addressing surface issues, the approach focuses on strengthening your relationship's foundation while targeting specific areas of concern that you've identified. We'll build upon your existing strengths – the positive aspects of your relationship that have sustained you so far – while developing new skills and understanding. This comprehensive approach creates lasting positive change, helping you build a stronger, more satisfying relationship that can weather future challenges.
Please visit the Gottman Institute’s website for more information about the science behind the Gottman Method, including citations to peer-reviewed outcome studies examining its effectiveness.
Ready to Begin?
Now that you understand what to expect from your first marriage counseling session and beyond, you're better prepared to start this journey. Remember, seeking couples therapy is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship.
Whether you're dealing with communication issues, recovering from infidelity, or simply want to strengthen your bond, couples therapy can help. The structured approach of the Gottman Method ensures that what happens in couples counseling is focused, practical, and designed to create real change in your relationship.
Ready to take the first step? Contact me to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your needs. If we're a good fit, we'll move forward with your initial couples therapy intake session. Together, we'll work to create the strong, fulfilling relationship you deserve.
